25 Irresistible Reasons to come to Ben Gran’s stand-up comedy show

  1. All jokes will be 100% gluten-free.
  2. You’ll laugh. At least a couple of times. I promise.
  3. Get out of the house and away from your children. (Parents, am I right?)
  4. It’s a cheap night out – only $10, plus ticket fees that support the local cultural community.
  5. There’s a bar on-site. Drink up!
  6. Ben Gran and Zach Peterson are a couple of handsome dudes.
  7. Carrot Top will NOT be performing.
  8. Hear smart, incisive commentary on the vital issues of the day. And also: profanity.
  9. Ben Gran has an unhealthy need for attention, external validation and acclaim. So please give him what he needs.
  10. Catharsis.
  11. Rage.
  12. Revenge.
  13. Reuniting with lost loves.
  14. Laughter is sexy. (“If you can make a woman laugh, you’re already halfway up her leg.” – The Hardy Boys)
  15. If you don’t spend the money on tickets, you’re just going to blow it on something stupid.
  16. Even if the show is a total disaster, at least you’ll be able to say, “I was there the night Ben Gran disgraced himself in public and had to sell his house and move away from Des Moines forever in shame.”
  17. Rekindle your love for your spouse by reminding each other, “You’re not always the easiest person to live with, but at least you never made me watch you perform stand-up comedy in public.”
  18. Did I mention that the venue does, in fact, serve alcohol?
  19. It will be funnier than Saturday Night Live, latter-day Simpsons or the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
  20. Ben Gran’s stand-up comedy routine is very, shall we say, “lesbian-friendly.”
  21. Uncomfortable moments.
  22. Inconvenient truths.
  23. Salacious details.
  24. Warmongering.
  25. 50% of ticket sales go to the Des Moines Social Club. All other proceeds go to a good cause: Ben Gran’s personal profit.

How many more reasons do you need?

BUY TICKETS NOW for Ben Gran’s stand-up comedy show on March 9.

Volunteer for Ben Gran’s stand-up comedy show

I need a few volunteers for my stand-up comedy show on March 9.

Volunteers, to arms!

We’ll need a few people to…

  1. Sell tickets at the Box Office/hand out Will Call tickets at the door (1 or 2 people)
  2. Check IDs and issue wristbands for the 21-and-over crowd (there will be booze!) (2 people)
  3. Make a video of the show (using a camera I supply – or your own camera if you’ve got a good one and know how to use it) (1 person)

All volunteers get a free ticket to the show ($10 value!) plus my undying gratitude.

Please let me know if you’re interested by dropping me a line at benjamin.gran@gmail.com

Ben Gran’s Top 6 Comedy Heroes

So unless you’ve been living in a cave and don’t have Internet access, you probably have heard about my stand-up comedy show on March 9 at the Des Moines Social Club. Maybe you are wondering what kind of style of comedy to expect.

Here are a few comedians whose style and delivery I really admire and identify with. I don’t claim to be as good as these guys, but they’re the ones I’d most like to emulate. These are my heroes of stand-up comedy:

George Carlin: George Carlin made comedy into an art form in a way that no other comedian can touch. He was so smart, so tough, and so rigorous in the way he thought out every joke.

George Carlin - Image credit: http://www.flickr.com/people/22385015@N00

You can see the craft that George Carlin put into every joke and every delivery. I saw George Carlin live a couple times at the Des Moines Civic Center and I loved that even in his last few years of life, when his health was suffering and a lot of other people might have retired, George was still going strong with as high energy of a show as ever. He’s been dead for over 3 years but I still miss him and I watch his old routines on YouTube quite often.

Henry Rollins: Henry Rollins doesn’t describe himself as a comedian, but his style of spoken word performance has a lot of humor and it comes with a great intensity and precision to every thing he says. He’s an autodidact and a world traveler and is

Henry Rollins - Image credit: http://henryrollins.com/photo/press_shots/

relentlessly seeking knowledge and experience, and I respect his politics and his life perspectives. I’ve seen Henry Rollins speak a couple times at Iowa State University, and it’s always a great time. He  makes you laugh, he makes you think, and he makes you feel what he feels about whatever he’s talking about.

Louis C.K.: Louis C.K. is probably the biggest name in stand-up comedy right now, and it’s well deserved. I love how even when he’s doing a joke about something dirty/inappropriate/misanthropic or mean-spirited, the joke is always ultimately on him. “I have lots of beliefs, and I live by none of them,” is one of my favorite bits from the Louis C.K. “Live at Beacon Theater” special, which you should totally pay $5 for and watch.

Mitch Hedberg: No one ever wrote jokes quite like Mitch Hedberg. They’re like riddles wrapped in enigmas. And his delivery was so…cute. Even if he was telling a joke about drugs or sex or something awful, he had this way of telling it that made him sound lovable and impish. One of my favorite Mitch Hedberg jokes was the one about, “My fan moves side to side and it always seems to be shaking its head ‘no’ at me. So when I talk to my fan, I ask it questions that a fan would say ‘No’ to. Do you keep my papers in order? (shakes head ‘no’) Do you keep my hairstyle straight?”

Bill Hicks: My brother John (who is hilarious, by the way – all of my siblings are smarter than me) introduced me to Bill Hicks because he thought I’d like Bill’s combination of intellect and rage. He was right! Bill died tragically young (age 32) from pancreatic cancer, and I wish he was still alive because I can only imagine how funny he’d be as he got older. I would have loved to see Bill Hicks’ take on the George W. Bush years.

Rob Delaney: I am obsessed with Rob Delaney. I have read the man’s entire Twitter feed. Back in January, I drove my family to Omaha, stayed in a hotel overnight and had my mother-in-law watch our kids just so my wife and I could go see Rob Delaney’s show

Rob Delaney

at the Slowdown. Rob Delaney is so, so smart and he’s so, so dirty. I’m not sure I want to re-print any of Rob’s jokes on this blog, because I’m not sure how inappropriate-for-work I want my blog to get, but if you go to Rob Delaney’s Twitter feed you’ll quickly see what I mean. Reading Rob Delaney jokes is like getting an unfiltered glimpse into the male id, but in a good way. But he doesn’t just tell dirty jokes, he’s also really smart and focused and a very good writer, not only of Twitter jokes but longer-form material and articles. I think Rob Delaney could have been a political speechwriter or policy analyst, if not for his comedy career – but I’m glad he became a comedian instead.

There are a lot of other comedians I like, but these are the big ones. I like smart, irreverent, dangerous humor that makes people re-think their assumptions and look at life in a new light. I like comedy that is dark and unsettling and makes people uncomfortable, in a good way – good comedy should make you squirm and writhe and sit at the edge of your seat.

The best comedians know how to get a physical and emotional and intellectual response out of the audience. I hope to do the same on March 9.

PLEASE BUY TICKETS to Ben Gran’s stand-up comedy show. (No pressure.)

5 reasons why Ben Gran is doing stand-up comedy

As you may know, with all the “buzz” going on in the “blogosphere” and the “Twitterverse” and “FacebookLand,” I’m going to be doing a stand-up comedy show on March 9 at the Des Moines Social Club. Along with Omaha comedian Zach Peterson. Tickets are ON SALE NOW.

Ever since I announced this comedy show, I’ve been getting a lot of questions from people. Questions like:

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

and

“Why are you doing this to yourself?”

and

“You should probably see someone about your emotional issues.” (OK, that last one isn’t a question.)

So I gave it some thought. Here are the top 5 reasons why I’m doing stand-up comedy:

Because I probably need therapy, but my insurance won’t cover it:

I’m prone to melancholia, anxiety and curmudgeon-hood, but nothing makes me happier than making people laugh. Some of my favorite memories in life are the times where I got to be part of a room full of people laughing. There’s nothing else like it. It’s such a rush. It gives me endorphins like no legal drugs possibly could.

Because I’m socially isolated and emotionally needy:

As a freelance writer, I spend a lot of time sitting at home by myself wearing pajamas (some days I go the extra mile and wear pants) and I don’t get to talk to other people very often. So rather than take the smaller step of joining a co-working space or hanging out at a coffee shop, I’d rather go all-in and tell jokes to over 100 people. (Right? There will be at least 100 people at this show, right everybody? Please come to my show. I need this. You have no idea how much I need this.)

Because I must:

It’s just something I need to do. The idea came into my head like a miniature meteorite plummeting out of the sky and bonking me in the brain: “You should do stand-up comedy.” I want to do stand-up comedy for the same reason Sir Edmund Hillary wanted to climb Mount Everest: “Because it’s there – and because I need to get out of the house and spend some time away from my wife and kids.”

Because I want to make memories:

As a father of two small children, I spend a lot of time contemplating my own eventual death. Time just keeps speeding up on me, and before long I’m going to start rapidly aging and deteriorating and collapsing into dust like the guy at the end of “Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade” who chose the wrong chalice to drink from.

The guy who "chose poorly" at the end of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

Remember that scene? The guy who thought he was drinking from the Holy Grail and would be rewarded with Eternal Life, but then it turns out he quickly disintegrated into a pile of bones?

I’ve never seen such an accurate onscreen depiction of the aging process.

"He chose poorly"

So before long, that’s going to be me. And before I die, I want to make some more memories from doing the things I love best. Someday when I’m on my deathbed, some of my fondest memories will be the times when I got to perform, make people laugh, make people think, and bask in the adulation of an audience.

Is this attitude entirely emotionally healthy? No. But that’s who I am.

Because I just don’t give a damn anymore:

Being a stand-up comedian can be tough. People might not laugh. They might heckle me. They might be offended by my jokes, throw garbage at me or threaten me with bodily harm. At this point, I don’t care. I’m 32 years old, I’m a grown man, and I don’t have, need or want a regular job anymore so I don’t have to worry about the Corporate Thought Police judging me for the things I say onstage.

So if you’re reading this, and you’re going to be within driving distance of the Des Moines Social Club on March 9, please BUY TICKETS and come to my stand-up comedy show. I promise not to collapse into dust until after the show is over.

Ben Gran stand-up comedy: Tickets On Sale Now!

Ben Gran is performing stand-up comedy on Friday, March 9 at 7:30 p.m. The brilliant Zach Peterson of Omaha’s OK Party Comedy will also perform.

Want to buy tickets? Now you can:

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Ben Gran stand-up comedy FAQs:

You’ve got questions? We’ve got answers:

Where’s the show going to be? Des Moines Social Club, 400 Walnut Street, Des Moines, IA

How much do tickets cost? Only $10! It’s a cheap night out! And much more fun than your typical overrated Hollywood blockbuster. Plus there’s a small processing fee that goes to benefit the Social Club (a goodhearted non-profit that supports the local cultural scene, NOT an evil corporation like Ticketmaster). Only 150 tickets are available. Get ’em before the show sells out!

BUY TICKETS NOW

How do I pick up my tickets? There are two options: the tickets can be sent to you via U.S. mail for a small additional postage fee, or you can pick up your tickets at the Des Moines Social Club Will Call window. Sorry, but there is no “print at home” option.

Can we bring our kids to the show? Probably not. The show is officially designated as age 18+ and there will be frank discussions of adult topics. And probably some use of profanity. It’s going to be kind of like a really profane R-rated movie, like Harold & Kumar but without the nudity. If parents have questions about whether the show is appropriate for your high-school age kids, please contact Ben Gran at benjamin.gran@gmail.com

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Where’s the booze? Alcoholic beverages can be purchased in the Kirkwood Lounge bar. We will be checking IDs. 21 and over only, please.

What makes Ben Gran think he has any right to do stand-up comedy? Ben Gran is an experienced comedy performer, script and sketch writer. He has performed sketch and improv comedy and acted in plays, but decided to do stand-up because he was tired of other people getting to say all the lines. (Ben is what psychologists refer to as a “pathological narcissist.”)

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Why should we trust Ben Gran to make us laugh? What if he sucks? Friend me on Facebook to see my best material. Many people tell me that my Facebook jokes are the sole reason they log into Facebook each day. (Not to brag.)

Who is Zach Peterson? Zach Peterson is hilarious! I saw him open for the great Rob Delaney at a comedy show in Omaha, and I was like, “This guy is good. Now I need to con him into performing at my stand-up show in Des Moines!” Here’s a video of Zach Peterson opening for Rob Delaney in Omaha:

Do you have any other questions? Send them to me: benjamin.gran@gmail.com

Please come to the show. Otherwise it will just be me, talking to myself in an empty bar. In other words: a typical Friday night.

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Ben Gran Stand-up Comedy: Des Moines Social Club

Want to laugh at Ben Gran in public?

Here’s your chance:

Friday, March 9 at 7:30 p.m.

Ben Gran, dangerous stand-up comedian

Drawing by David Anderson, Houston, TX

WHAT: Ben Gran! (Performing stand-up comedy)

WHERE: The Des Moines Social Club!

WHO: Ben Gran! Also: A funny guy from Omaha named Zach Peterson will be on hand to deliver devastating witticisms! (You might say Zach puts the “Ha!” in “Omaha!”)

HOW: Ticket Info and Juicy, Scandalous Details are here – BUY TICKETS NOW! (no pressure)

WHY: Because we need something special to get through the gray slog of our daily lives, but drugs are illegal.

Love,

Ben Gran
(Amateur Comedian, Professional Assassin, Certified Life Coach)

P.S. Are you wondering, “Who is this guy? How dare he perform stand-up comedy?” Connect with me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/benjamin.gran