I am SO EXCITED for my stand-up comedy show on March 9 at the Des Moines Social Club. I’m so excited that for the past few days, I’ve been emitting a high-pitched squeal that is only audible to dogs. And teenagers. (Damn kids.)
I’m so excited that I’ve been having trouble sleeping! (Or maybe I’ve been having trouble sleeping because of all the prescription drugs I stole from my part-time job at the nursing home.)
But seriously. Doing stand-up comedy is a dream come true for me. Some people dream of retiring to a Caribbean beach house or putting their children through college; I dream of telling off-color jokes to hundreds of strangers.
So can you do me a favor?
Will you invite some friends to my show?
I want to pack the Social Club. I want to come perilously close to violating the Fire Code. I want to create a legendary, raucous night of laughter and debauchery to rival the heyday of the Sex Pistols. (But without the heroin.)
My stand-up comedy brother-in-arms Zach Peterson and I are ready to rock, but as any performer will tell you, nothing rocks harder than a packed house.
Imagine it: the buzz of a crowd, energetic music, a thrill of excitement in the air, the lights go down, the mood comes up, and long ago somebody left with the cup…oh dear, apparently I’ve started plagiarizing lyrics from Cake, “Going the Distance.” Somebody stop me…
But seriously, wouldn’t you love to be part of this happenin’ scene? This cultural phenomenon? This homegrown talent taking the stage for the first time, in front of an enthusiastic array of fans who have each consumed 2 or 3 alcoholic beverages?
Sound like fun?
Let’s do it. Tell your friends. People are already buying tickets, but we need one last push to make this happen – just like pregnant women in labor need one last push to get the baby out, before the doctor pounces on them and performs a medically unnecessary C-section.
Make it a guys’ night out, girls’ night out, couples’ night out, husband-wife-and-most favored concubines’ night out, or fundamentalist Mormon sister wives’ night out.
If you have kids, hire a babysitter! Or leave your children with a family member, neighbor or trustworthy-looking stranger.
But don’t come alone! Bring friends! Let’s do this!
I look forward to seeing you on March 9, assuming I’m capable of seeing anything through the blurry fog of booze and pills that clouds my daily life.
(Just kidding – I am not an alcoholic or a pill-popper. I’m just making a dark joke. About these terrible afflictions that ruin people’s lives.)
Pack the Social Club!
— Ben Gran
P.S. Here is where you can BUY TICKETS ONLINE for Ben Gran’s March 9 stand-up comedy show. (Or you can procrastinate and pay $15 at the door.)
Sister Wives photo credit: mydaily.com
Puppy photo credit: Jeff Bishop