Top 14 ways that Ben Gran is getting ready for his stand-up comedy show

Have you ever wondered how stand-up comedians get themselves “in shape” for their shows? Just like running a marathon or competing in an Olympic trial, performing stand-up comedy requires you to be in peak condition and at the pinnacle of your mental sharpness.
Here are a few of the methods that Ben Gran is using to get ready for his stand-up comedy show on March 9 at the Des Moines Social Club:
  1. Watching hours of Ted Koppel footage to emulate his delivery and hairstyle.
  2. Increasing alcohol intake from 6 drinks per day to 7.
  3. Stopping dozens of strangers on the street one-at-a-time and offering to do anything – and I mean ANYTHING – to make them laugh.
  4. Going through military boot camp to prepare for the experience of public humiliation, chastening and fear.
  5. Teaching at a public high school to practice dealing with hecklers.
  6. Recreational drugs.
  7. Asking women out on dates to get reacquainted with feelings of rejection and shame.
  8. Isolating self from any external humorous influences by serving 8 weeks as a Mormon missionary.
  9. Gleaning withering one-liners and “zingers” from the collected speeches of Mitt Romney.
  10. Memorizing thousands of jokes from the bubbling cauldron of subversive comic genius that is Michael Feldman’s “Whad’ya Know?”
  11. Making people laugh uproariously by saying to them, “I’m doing a stand-up comedy show. Want to buy tickets?”
  12. Getting in the mood for “funny” by reading the complete works of L. Ron Hubbard.
  13. Taking cold showers, fully clothed, to simulate the feeling of being drenched in gallons of flop sweat.
  14. Watching The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Because that guy is FUNNY and can do NO WRONG.

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